People Are Funny

Hi there, Friends! Today is October 17th here, which means that B and I have braved the menopausal Kiwi climate, the confusing traffic laws, the bland food, and the overall strangeness of living in a brand new place for exactly a month. Granted, we've had our Taco Bell cravings and a bout or two of me jonesing to see the Matterhorn ride off the 5 Freeway, but we've weathered it well, all things considered. We've bought two cars, found a place to live, found sources of employment and income, made some friends, explored a bit, and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. We're starting to feel more at home south of the equator, and are turning our gazes outward to the other places we'd like to visit in our year-o'-adventure. We're just a couple of rolling stones, Brandon and me.

We're still considering going to Fiji in May, which would be amazing. And we're now thinking that we might quit our jobs early and explore the South Island next September. We'll see how that works out. Then we'd like to go to Australia once our New Zealand visas run out. We'd ship our stuff home and just sort of tramp around. Of course, at that point we will once again be homeless and jobless, which always sounds so freeing and lovely until you're actually an unemployed bum. But, you're only young once, right?

The gym continues to be hectic. I'm technically a "Membership Consultant" here, but I'm also suddenly a yoga expert and today I was booked in to teach a BOXING LESSON. Ahem... WHAT?? There seems to be a basic "fake it 'til you make it" ethos in New Zealand that carries over into every industry. Just yesterday Brandon and I went into a Vodafone store (our phone service provider here) because ever since we signed up for a plan a few days ago I haven't been able to send text messages. I went in there with a working phone that just couldn't text, and within five minutes in the hands of the Vodafone staff my phone wasn't working at all. We stayed there nearly an hour while the clueless staff passed my phone around, fiddling with the touch screen and blowing on my SIM card. In the end they wanted to reset my phone, but we were specifically told by a friend in the states that resetting our phones would make them useless in New Zealand. Resetting an iPhone "un-breaks" it, meaning that it can once again only operate with AT&T, which does not exist here. We snatched my phone away from the tattooed and befuddled staff member, wondering why we'd gone in the store at all, and left. Within two minutes of walking out of the store my phone was working again. Well, I still couldn't text, but at that point we really didn't care.

So, this is the environment in which I am allowed to teach boxing lessons. Tracey, my boss, said that she would show me how to do a session before the women showed up, but my training consisted of a hand-written agenda on some scratch paper and five minutes in the classroom with Tracey saying more than once, "And, you know, you can always just make it up as you go along."

The women didn't show up for their session after all but I definitely see some cardio-boxing in my near future.

Did we mention that the aquarium was really neat? That was our activity last Sunday - Kelly Tarlton's Antarctic Adventure and Aquarium... or something like that. Basically, the theme was Antarctic exploration. There was a ride that took us around the penguin enclosure. The cars that we took around were all called Endurance, which was the name of Shackleton's ship that he took to the Antarctic, which sank. Brandon and I shared a car with a large family on that ride, and it was pretty adorable to hear the little babies cooing about the penguins' antics. The stingrays were ENORMOUS. The turtles were cool. There was a massive tunnel through a shark tank that B and I went through, and then they had the generic aquarium stuff. A tank full of man-eating piranhas, some uber-poisonous rock fish, lion fish, a tank with "Dori" and "Nemo" from Finding Nemo, some ginormous crayfish, and a tank of seahorses, which were awesome.

Good news today: we finally got rid of our sketchy mattress and our stupid, broken car. Brandon got a couple hundred dollars from a wrecking company, which even did us the favor of towing it away! The mattress, which we sold for a whopping 50 cents, was another Trademe transaction, which typically leads to some interesting experience or conversation. I wasn't there, but Brandon told me about the encounter later, and it went something like this: (the woman's name was Andrea)

ANDREA: Do you have change for a ten?
BRANDON: No, but that's okay. You can just have it.
ANDREA: No no no. I'm sure I have some change. (pulling some dollar coins out of her pocket and handing them to Brandon) Here you go.
BRANDON: That's way too much money.
ANDREA: No, that's definitely not eight dollars.
(beat)
BRANDON: What?
ANDREA: I bought the mattress for eight dollars.
BRANDON: No, you bought it for fifty cents.
(beat)
ANDREA: What?
BRANDON: Here, I can look it up.

Brandon looked it up online and discovered that we did in fact sell it for $8. As it turns out the misunderstanding was my fault. I read an email wrong, but I was not there to explain this. In the end, Andrea paid Brandon $5.50 in coins and gave him the New Zealand equivalent of a Caprisun - Ribena, which is blackcurrant juice, and sorta gross. And she didn't have a truck to put the mattress in, and it was raining, so she just stuffed it in the back of her car. Brandon said that she could pick it up some other time, but she said, "no, I've done this before." Think about that for a second.

Yesterday was "Booth Day" for Configure Express, which means that we set up a little semi-booth in the mall and passed out flyers to unsuspecting and unwilling mall-goers. I'm not sure how effective flyering really is. We passed out about 400 flyers that day, and the only sale we made was someone who we'd never even approached before. She actually came out of nowhere and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to join your gym forever. Can I come sign the papers right now?" We stood there like deer in the headlights for a moment before I said, "Of course, follow me." My mind was racing through the pre-formed statements I'm supposed to make when trying to close a sale, but this customer had preempted every single one of them. I was stunned. We usually show ladies around the gym to try to sell them on it, so I said, "Um... do you want to see the gym?"

Woman: Sure, why not?

So, I took her for a rushed tour and then brought her back out to the comfy chairs where we usually close a sale and said, "So... can I get your name and number?"

Woman: (looking unsure) Yeah...
Me: I mean, you can sign up right now if you want.
Woman: That would be great!
Me: (totally shocked) Really?

So, that was cool.

******

Brandon just came in and told me that out landlords are tipsy and invited us upstairs for a glass of wine, so here we go! That sounds like a fun blog in the making, right?

******

I thought of writing about this evening later, but I know it won't be as fresh, and it was kinda crazy. So, our landlords consist of an adorable family of four that owns the house and lives upstairs. B and I have a shy neighbor named William who rents the flat nextdoor, but we've never met. When Brandon and I were first signing the papers I noticed that the man (Jay) and woman (Clarity) had different last names, which led me to believe that Clarity was some sort of feminist activist or really preferred being Clarity Brown rather than Clarity Dwyer, or perhaps this was her second marriage and she didn't want to change her name again. Anyway, like any curious neighbor, I made assumptions. Jay and Clarity have a son (Dillon), who is 14 and fairly angst-ridden. Eleanor is the 10-year-old daughter, who is really sweet. Though, B and I have been so busy that we really haven't had a chance to hang out with them.

Well, tonight Brandon and I got the REAL story, which will teach us never to assume anything ever again. So, Jay and Clarity met in Australia over twenty years ago. Jay was Clarity's first boyfriend. They started dating, and Clarity went on tour with Jay when his theater productions travelled around the world. After they'd been dating for five years Clarity had Dillon, and four years later she had Eleanor, and now they've been together for twenty years... AND THEY'RE STILL NOT MARRIED. They have two children, a house, and have been together for nearly a quarter of a century, and they just "haven't gotten around" to tying the knot. Apparently they intend to, and they've planned a few weddings, but they just haven't had the time or energy or funds to carry their plans to the finish line. Which is, you know, fine. It's just... different. And it is SO interesting in lieu of a few things Brandon and I have noticed about Kiwi culture. No one calls anyone a "husband" or a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend" or a "fiance." EVERYONE is a "partner." For the first couple weeks we were here I assumed everyone who said that was gay, but now I know that Jay and Clarity are just "partners." Apparently there are no tax benefits to getting married - if you've lived together for two years and have been a "couple" for that long then you are entitled to all the tax benefits that married people get. That, I think, is one of the craziest culture-shocks Brandon and I have had since we got here.

It was also a fun night because Jay was pretty drunk. Drunk people are funny. They gave us a tour around their floor and when they passed Dillon's room Jay said, "And now for Exhibit A." And Dillon flipped him off. And then we passed Eleanor's room where Eleanor was asleep and Jay turned on the lights, just to be cheeky.

Last week Tracey asked me if I'd seen the recent episode of some New Zealand TV show, which I hadn't, because we don't have a TV. She said I should watch it because she said that if I watch that show then I will understand Kiwi culture, which she described as "whiskey culture." I had forgotten about that until now, but I think I might go look it up.

Annnnnnnnnnnd... now it's 2:30 AM.

Blow a kiss at the North Pacific for me, and soak up the summer sun while it lasts, because pretty soon it's headed our way! :)

Love and Kisses,

Gigi and B